Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
