Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
