I just cut my nipple shaving
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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