so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
