can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
