i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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