we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
