I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
