All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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