After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
