im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
