At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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