ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
