You work out of a Hotel?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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