just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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