me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
