no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
