Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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