I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
