Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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