Your tits are I can't wait for
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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