Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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