is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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