it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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