he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
