She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize