you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So apparently I’m into choking now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
