Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
