im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
