she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
