cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
