just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
why do cheetos always look like penises
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
