Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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