i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
