everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
