Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
