Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
