I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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