I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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