sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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