I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
