dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
