I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
