doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
