Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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