We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
