Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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