It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
