you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
