My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
