he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Alive.
So much puke
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
