i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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